anner.bloodandgold-第21部分

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kind。
　　　I　began　to　laugh　at　the　absurdity　of　it。
　　　One　of　the　young　guests　marveled　at　my　talent。
　　　〃Marius；　you　never　told　us。　We　never　imagined。〃
　　　〃Neither　did　I；〃　I　said　dully；　going　on　with　my　work；　watching　the　white　paint　disappear　beneath　my　brush。
　　　For　months　I　went　on　with　my　painting；　even　moving　into　the　banquet　
　　　　　room　where　the　guests　cheered　me　on　as　I　worked。　Whatever　I　acplished　it　did　not　please　me　and　it　certainly　did　not　amaze　them。
　　　They　thought　it　amusing　and　eccentric　that　a　rich　man　should　　decorate　his　own　walls。　And　all　the　drunken　advice　I　received　did　not　amount　to　very　much。　The　learned　men　knew　the　mythic　tales　I　depicted　and　they　enjoyed　diem；　and　the　young　men　tried　to　get　me　in　arguments　which　I　refused。
　　　It　was　the　spacious　garden　I　loved　to　paint　above　all；　with　no　painted　frame　to　set　it　apart　from　our　world　with　its　dancing　figures　and　bending　laurels。　It　was　the　familiar　garden。　For　I　imagined　that　I　Could　escape　into　it　with　my　mind。
　　　And　during　that　time　I　did　not　risk　attending　to　the　chapel。　Rather　I　painted　all　the　rooms　of　my　house。
　　　Meantime；　the　old　gods　whom　I　painted　were　fast　disappearing　from　the　Temples　of　Rome。
　　　At　some　point　or　other；　Constantine　had　made　Christianity　the　legal　religion　of　the　Empire；　and　now　it　was　the　pagans　who　couldn't　worship　as　they　chose。
　　　I　don't　think　Constantine　himself　was　ever　in　favor　of　forcing　
　　　anybody　in　religious　matters。　But　that's　what　had　e　about。
　　　So　I　painted　poor　old　Bacchus；　the　god　of　wine；　with　his　cheerful　followers；　and　the　brilliant　Apollo　chasing　the　desperate　and　lovely　Daphne　who　turned　into　a　laurel　tree　rather　than　allow　the　godly　rape。
　　　On　and　on　I　worked；　happy　with　mortal　pany；　thinking；　Mael　and　Avicus；　please　do　not　search　my　mind　for　secrets。
　　　But　in　truth　all　during　this　time　I　could　hear　them　very　near　me。　My　mortal　banquet　parties　puzzled　them　and　frightened　them。　I　could　hear　them　approach　my　house　and　then　go　away　every　night。
　　　Finally　the　inevitable　night　came。
　　　They　stood　at　my　gate。
　　　Mael　was　for　ing　in　without　permission；　and　Avicus　kept　him　back；　begging　me　with　the　Mind　Gift　to　admit　them　once　more。
　　　I　was　in　my　library；　painting　it　over　for　the　third　time；　and　the　
　　　dinner　party　that　night；　thank　the　gods；　had　not　spilled　over　into　the
　　　room。
　　　I　put　down　my　brush。　I　stared　at　my　unfinished　work。　It　seemed　another　Pandora　had　emerged　in　the　unfinished　Daphne　and　it　struck　a　tragic　chord　in　my　heart　that　Daphne　had　eluded　her　lover。　What　a　fool　I'd　been　to　escape　mine。
　　　But　for　a　long　self…indulgent　moment　I　looked　at　what　I　had　painted…this　unearthly　creature　with　her　rippling　brown　hair。
　　　You　understood　my　soul；　I　thought；　and　now　others　are　ing　only　to　sack　my　heart　of　all　its　riches。　What　am　I　to　do？　We　argued；　yes；　you　and　I；　but　it　was　with　loving　respect；　was　it　not？　I　cannot　endure　without　you。　Please　e　to　me；　from　wherever　you　are。
　　　But　there　was　no　time　for　my　solitude。　It　suddenly　seemed　rather　precious；　no　matter　how　much　of　it　I　had　had　in　the　past　years。
　　　I　closed　off　my　happy　human　guests　from　the　library；　and　then　silently；　I　told　the　blood　drinkers　that　they　might　e　in。
　　　Both　were　richly　dressed；　and　their　swords　and　daggers　were　encrusted　with　jewels。　Their　cloaks　were　fixed　at　the　shoulder　with　rich　clasps　and　even　their　sandals　were　ornamented。　They　might　have　been　preparing　to　join　the　opulently　clad　citizens　of　the　new　capital；　Constantinople；　where　great　dreams　were　still　being　realized　though　Constantine　was　now　dead。
　　　It　was　with　mixed　feelings　that　I　gestured　for　them　to　sit　down。
　　　
　　　
　　　However　much　I　wished　that　I　had　allowed　Mael　to　perish；　I　was　drawn　to　Avicus…to　his　keen　expression　and　the　friendly　way　in　which　he　regarded　me。　I　had　time　to　observe　now　that　his　skin　was　a　lighter　brown　than　it　had　been；　and　that　its　dark　tone　gave　a　rather　sculpted　quality　to　his　strong　features；　especially　his　mouth…　As　for　his　eyes　they　were　clear　and　held　no　cunning　or　lie。
　　　Both　remained　standing。　They　looked　anxiously　in　the　direction　of　the　mortal　banquet　room。　Once　again；　I　urged　them　to　be　seated。
　　　Mael　stood；　quite　literally　looking　down　his　hawk　nose　at　me；　but　Avicus　took　the　chair。
　　　Mael　was　still　weak　and　his　body　emaciated。　Quite　obviously；　it　would　take　many　nights　of　drinking　from　his　victims　before　the
　　　　damage　done　him　would　be　pletely　healed。
　　　〃How　have　things　been　with　you？〃　I　asked；　out　of　courtesy。
　　　And　then　out　of　private　desperation　I　let　my　mind　envision　Pandora。
　　　I　let　my　mind　pletely　recall　her　in　all　her　splendid　details。　I　hoped　thereby　to　send　the　message　of　her　to　both　of　them；　so　that　she；　wherever　she　was；　might　receive　this　message　somehow；　a　message　which　I；　on　account　of　the　blood　I　had　given　her　in　her　making；　could　not　send　on　my　own。
　　　I　don't　know　that　either　received　any　impression　of　my　lost　love。
　　　Avicus　answered　my　question　politely　but　Mael　said　not　one　word。
　　　〃Things　are　better　for　us；〃　said　Avicus。　〃Mael　heals　well。〃
　　　〃I　want　to　tell　you　certain　things；〃　I　menced　without　asking　whether　or　not　they　wanted　such　knowledge。　〃I　don't　believe　from　what　happened　that　either　of　you　know　your　own　strength。　I　know　from　my　own　experience　that　power　increases　with　age；　as　I　am　now　more　agile　and　strong　than　I　was　when　I　was　made。　You　too　are　quite　strong；　and　this　incident　with　the　drunken　mortals　need　not　have　ever　taken　place。　YOU　could　have　gone　up　the　wall　when　you　were　surrounded。〃　　〃Oh；　leave　off　with　this！〃　said　Mael　suddenly。
　　　I　was　aghast　at　this　rudeness。　I　merely　shrugged。
　　　　　〃I　saw　things；〃　said　Mael　in　a　small　hard　voice；　as　though　the　confidential　manner　of　it　would　make　his　words　all　the　more　important。　〃I　things　when　I　drank　from　you　which　you　could　not　prevent　me　from　seeing。　I　saw　a　Queen　upon　a　throne。〃
　　　I　sighed。
　　　His　tone　was　not　as　venomous　as　it　had　been　before。　He　wanted　the
　　　truth　and　knew　he　could　not　get　it　by　hostile　means。
　　　
　　　As　for　me　I　was　so　fearful　that　I　dared　riot　move　or　speak。　Naturally　I　was　defeated　by　this　news　from　him；　dreadfully　defeated；　and　I　didn't　know　what　chance　I　had　of　preventing　everything　from　being　known。　I　stared　at　my　paintings。　I　wished　I　had　painted　a　better　garden。　I　might　have　mentally　transported　myself　into　a　garden。　Vaguely　I　came　to　thinking；　But　you　have　a　beautiful　garden　right　outside　through　the　doors。
　　　〃Will　you　not　tell　me　what　you　found　in　Egypt？〃　Mael　asked。　〃I　biow　that　you　went　there。　I　know　that　the　God　of　the　Grove　wanted　to　send　you　there。　Will　you　not　have　that　much　mercy　as　to　tell　me　what　you　found？　〃
　　　''And　why　would　I　have　mercy？〃　I　asked　politely。　〃Even　if　I　had　found　miracles　or　mysteries　in　Egypt。　Why　would　I　tell　you？　You　won't　even　be　seated　under　my　roof　like　a　proper　guest。　What　is　there　between　us？　Hatred　and　miracles？〃　I　stopped。　I　had　bee　too　heated。　It　was　anger。　It　was　weakness。　You　know　my　theme。
　　　At　this；　he　took　a　chair　beside　Avicus　and　he　stared　before　him　as　he　had　done　on　that　night　when　he　told　me　how　he'd　been　made。
　　　I　saw　now　as　I　looked　at　him　more　closely　that　his　throat　was　still　bruised　from　his　ordeal。　As　for　his　shoulder；　his　cloak　covered　it　but　I　imagined　it　to　be　the　same。
　　　My　eyes　moved　to　Avicus　and　I　was　surprised　to　see　his　eyebrows　knit　in　a　strange　little　frown。
　　　Suddenly　he　looked　to　Mael　and　he　spoke。
　　　〃The　fact　is；　Marius　can't　tell　us　what　he　discovered；〃　he　said；　his　voice　calm。　〃And　we　mustn't　ask　him　again。　Marius　bears　some　terrible　burden。　Marius　has　a　secret　which　has　to　do　with　all　of　us　and　how　long　we　can　endure。〃
　　　I　was　dreadfully　aggrieved。　I'd　failed　to　keep　my　mind　veiled　and　they　had　discovered　all　but　everything。　I　had　little　hope　of　preventing　their　penetration　into　the　sanctum　itself。
　　　I　didn't　know　precisely　what　to　do。　I　couldn't　even　consider　things　in　their　presence。　It　was　too　dangerous。　Yes；　dangerous　as　it　was；　I　had　an　impulse　to　tell　them　all。
　　　Mael　was　alarmed　and　excited　by　what　Avicus　had　said。
　　　〃Are　you　certain　of　this？〃　he　asked　Avicus。
　　　〃Yes；〃　Avicus　answered。　〃Over　the　years　my　mind　had　grown　stronger。　Prompted　by　what　I've　seen　of　Marius；　I've　tested　my　powers。　I　can　penetrate　Marius's　thoughts　even　when　I　don't　want　to　do　it。　And　on　the　night　when　Marius　came　to　help　us；　as　Marius　sat　beside　you；　as　he　watched　you　heal　from　your　wounds　as　you　drank　from　me；　Marius　thought　of　many　mysteries　and　secrets；　and　though　I　gave　you　blood；　I　read　Marius's　mind。〃
　　　I　was　too　saddened　by　this　to　respond　to　anything　said　by　either　of　them。　My　eyes　drifted　to　the　garden　outside。　I　listened　for　the　sound　of　the　fountain。　Then　I　sat　back　in　my　chair　and　looked　at　the　various　scrolls　of　my　journal　which　lay　about　helter…skelter　on　my　desk　for　anyone　to　pillage　and　read。　Oh；　but　you've　written　everything　in　code；　I　thought。　And　then　again；　a　clever　blood　drinker　might　decipher　it。　What　does　it　all　matter　now？
　　　Suddenly　I　felt　a　strong　impulse　to　try　to　reason　with　Mael。
　　　Once　again　I　saw　the　weakness　of　anger。　I　had　to　put　aside　anger　and　contempt　and　plead　with　him　to　understand。
　　　〃This　is　so；〃　I　said。　〃In　Egypt；　I　did　find　things。　But　you　must　believe　me　that　nothing　I　found　matters。　If　there　is　a　Queen；　a　Mother　as　you　call　her；　and　mind　you；　I　don't　say　she　exists；　imagine　for　the　moment　that　she　is　ancient　and　unresponsive　and　can　give　nothing　to　her　children　any　longer；　that　so　many　centuries　have　passed　since　our　dim　beginnings　that　no　one　with　any　reason　understands　them；　and　the　matter　is　left　quite　literally　buried　for　it　matters　not　one　jot。〃
　　　I　had　admitted　far　more　than　I　intended；　and　I　looked　from　one　to　the　other　of　them　for　understanding　and　acceptance　of　what　I'd　said。
　　　Mael　wore　the　astonished　expression　of　an　innocent。　But　the　look　on　the　face　of　Avicus　was　something　else。
　　　He　studied　me　as　if　he　wanted　desperately　to　tell　me　many　things。　Indeed　his　eyes　spoke　in　silence　though　his　mind　gave　me　nothing　and　then　he　said；
　　　〃Long　centuries　ago；　before　I　was　sent　to　Britain　to　take　up　my　time　in　the　oak　as　the　god；　I　was　brought　before　her。　You　remember　I　told　you　this。〃
　　　〃Yes；〃　I　said。
　　　〃I　saw　her！〃　He　paused。　It　seemed　quite　painful　for　him　to　relive　this　moment。　〃I　was　humiliated　before　her；　made　to　kneel；　made　to　recite　my　vows。　I　remember　hating　those　around　me。　As　for　her；　I　thought　she　was　a　statue；　but　now　I　understand　the　strange　words　that　they　spoke。　And　then　when　the　Magic　Blood　was　given　me；　I
　　　surrendered　to　the　miracle。　I　kissed　her　feet。〃
　　　　〃Why　have　you　never　told　me　this！〃　begged　Mael。　He　seemed　more　injured　and　confounded　than　angry　or　outraged。
　　　〃I　told　you　part　of　it；〃　said　Avicus。　〃It's　only　now　that　I　see　it　all。　My　existence　was　wretched；　don't　you　understand？〃　He　looked　to　me　and　then　to　Mael；　and　his　tone　became　a　little　more　reasonable　and　soft。　〃Mael；　don't　you　see？〃　he　asked。　〃Marius　is　trying　to　tell　you。　This　path　in　the　past　is　a　path　of　pain！〃
　　　〃But　who　is　she　and　what　is　she？〃　Mael　demanded。　In　that　fatal　instant　my　mind　was　decided。　Anger　did　move　me　and　perhaps　in　the　wrong　way。
　　　〃She　is　the　fi