Sphere (深海圆疑) 原版小说-第47部分

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fe　had　he　confronted　patients　who　refused　to　acknowledge　what　was　happening　in　their　lives？　Even　trivial　＇＇317＇＇　examples…a　man；　another　professor　at　the　university；　who　was　terrified　of　elevators　but　who　steadfastly　insisted　he　always　took　the　stairs　because　it　was　good　exercise。　The　man　would　climb　fifteen…story　buildings；　he　would　decline　appointments　in　taller　buildings；　he　arranged　his　entire　life　to　acmodate　a　problem　he　would　not　admit　he　had。　The　problem　remained　concealed　from　him　until　he　finally　had　a　heart　attack。　Or　the　woman　who　was　exhausted　from　years　of　caring　for　her　disturbed　daughter；　she　gave　her　daughter　a　bottle　of　sleeping　pills　because　she　said　the　girl　needed　a　rest；　the　girl　mitted　suicide。　Or　the　novice　sailor　who　cheerfully　packed　his　family　off　on　a　sailing　excursion　to　Catalina　in　a　gale；　nearly　killing　them　all。
Dozens　of　examples　came　to　mind。　It　was　a　psychological　truism；　this　blindness　about　self。　Did　he　imagine　that　he　was　immune？　Three　years　ago；　there　had　been　a　minor　scandal　when　one　of　the　assistant　professors　in　the　Psychology　Department　had　mitted　suicide；　sticking　a　gun　in　his　mouth　over　the　Labor　Day　weekend。　There　had　been　headlines　for　that　one：　〃PSYCH　PROF　KILLS　SELF；　Colleagues　Express　Surprise；　Say　Deceased　Was　'Always　Happy。'　〃
The　dean　of　the　faculty；　embarrassed　in　his　fund…raising；　had　berated　Norman　about　that　incident；　but　the　difficult　truth　was　that　psychology　had　severe　limitations。　Even　with　professional　knowledge　and　the　best　of　intentions；　there　remained　an　enormous　amount　you　never　knew　about　your　closest　friends；　your　colleagues；　your　wives　and　husbands　and　children。
And　your　ignorance　about　yourself　was　even　greater　than　that。　Self…awareness　was　the　most　difficult　of　all。　Few　people　attained　it。　Or　perhaps　nobody　attained　it。
〃Norman；　are　you　there？〃
〃Yes；　Beth。〃
〃I　think　you　are　a　good　person；　Norman。〃
He　said　nothing。　He　just　watched　her　on　the　monitor。
〃I　think　you　have　integrity；　and　that　you　believe　in　telling　the　truth。　This　is　a　difficult　moment　for　you；　to　face　the　reality　about　yourself。　I　know　your　mind　is　struggling　now　to　find　excuses；　to　blame　someone　else。　But　I　think　you　can　＇＇318＇＇　do　it；　Norman。　Harry　couldn't　do　it；　but　you　can。　I　think　you　can　admit　the　hard　truth…that　so　long　as　you　remain　conscious；　the　expedition　is　menaced。〃
He　felt　the　strength　of　her　conviction；　heard　the　quiet　force　of　her　voice。　As　Beth　spoke；　it　felt　almost　as　if　her　ideas　were　clothing　being　draped　over　his　body。　He　began　to　see　things　her　way。　She　was　so　calm；　she　must　be　right。　Her　ideas　had　such　power。　Her　thoughts　had　such　power。　。。。
〃Beth；　have　you　been　in　the　sphere？〃
〃No；　Norman。　That's　your　mind；　trying　to　evade　the　point　again。　I　haven't　been　in　the　sphere。　You　have。〃
He　honestly　couldn't　remember　going　into　the　sphere。　He　had　no　recollection　at　all。　And　when　Harry　had　been　in　the　sphere；　he　remembered　afterward。　Why　would　Norman　forget？　Why　would　he　block　it？
〃You're　a　psychologist；　Norman；〃　she　was　saying。　〃You；　of　all　people；　do　not　want　to　admit　you　have　a　shadow　side。　You　have　a　professional　stake　in　believing　in　your　own　mental　health。　Of　course　you　will　deny　it。〃
He　didn't　think　so。　But　how　to　resolve　it？　How　to　determine　if　she　was　right　or　not？　His　mind　wasn't　working　well。　His　cut　knee　throbbed　painfully。　At　least　there　was　no　doubt　about　that…his　injured　knee　was　real。
Reality　testing。
That　was　how　to　resolve　it；　he　thought。　Reality　testing。　What　was　the　objective　evidence　that　Norman　had　gone　to　the　sphere？　They　had　made　tapes　of　everything　that　occurred　in　the　habitat。　If　Norman　had　gone　to　the　sphere　many　hours　ago；　somewhere　there　was　a　tape　showing　him　in　the　airlock；　alone；　getting　dressed；　slipping　away。　Beth　should　be　able　to　show　him　that　tape。　Where　was　that　tape？
In　the　submarine；　of　course。
It　would　long　ago　have　been　taken　to　the　submarine。　Norman　himself　might　have　taken　it；　when　he　made　his　excursion　to　the　sub。
No　objective　evidence。
〃Norman；　give　up。　Please。　For　all　our　sakes。〃
Perhaps　she　was　right；　he　thought。　She　was　so　sure　of　herself。　If　he　was　evading　the　truth；　if　he　was　putting　the　＇＇319＇＇　expedition　in　jeopardy；　then　he　had　to　give　himself　up　and　let　her　put　him　under。　Could　he　trust　her　to　do　that？　He　would　have　to。　There　wasn't　any　choice。
It　must　be　me；　he　thought。　It　must　be。　The　thought　was　so　horrible　to　him…that　in　itself　was　suspicious。　He　was　resisting　it　so　violently…not　a　good　sign；　he　thought。　Too　much　resistance。
〃Norman？〃
〃Okay；　Beth。〃
〃Will　you　do　it？〃
〃Don't　push。　Give　me　a　minute；　will　you？〃
〃Sure；　Norman。　Of　course。〃
He　looked　at　the　video　recorder　next　to　the　monitor。　He　remembered　how　Beth　had　used　this　recorder　to　play　the　same　tape；　again　and　again；　the　tape　in　which　the　sphere　had　opened　by　itself。　That　tape　was　now　lying　on　the　counter　beside　the　recorder。　He　pushed　the　tape　into　the　slot；　clicked　the　recorder　on。　Why　bother　to　look　at　it　now？　he　thought。　You're　just　delaying。　You're　wasting　time。
The　screen　flickered；　and　he　waited　for　the　familiar　image　of　Beth　eating　cake；　her　back　to　the　monitor。　But　this　was　a　different　tape。　This　was　a　direct　monitor　feed　showing　the　sphere。　The　gleaming　sphere；　just　sitting　there。
He　watched　for　a　few　seconds；　but　nothing　happened。　The　sphere　was　immobile；　as　always。　Polished；　perfect；　immobile。　He　watched　a　while　longer；　but　there　was　nothing　to　see。
〃Norman；　if　I　open　the　hatch　now；　will　you　e　down　quietly？〃
〃Yes；　Beth。〃
He　sighed；　sat　back　in　the　chair。　How　long　would　he　be　unconscious？　A　little　less　than　six　hours。　It　would　be　okay。　But　in　any　case；　Beth　was　right；　he　had　to　give　himself　up。　〃Norman；　why　are　you　watching　that　tape？〃
He　looked　around　quickly。　Was　there　a　video　camera　in　the　room　allowing　her　to　see　him？　Yes：　high　up　in　the　ceiling；　next　to　the　upper　hatch。
〃Why　are　you　watching　that　tape；　Norman？〃
〃It　was　here。〃
〃Who　said　you　could　watch　that　tape？〃
＇＇320＇＇　〃Nobody；〃　Norman　said。　〃It　was　just　here。〃
〃Turn　the　tape　off；　Norman。　Turn　it　off　now。〃
She　didn't　sound　so　calm　any　more。　〃What's　the　matter；　Beth？〃
〃Turn　that　damned　tape　off；　Norman！〃
He　was　about　to　ask　her　why；　but　then　he　saw　Beth　enter　the　video　image；　stand　next　to　the　sphere。　Beth　closed　her　eyes　and　clenched　her　fists。　The　convoluted　grooves　of　the　sphere　parted；　revealing　blackness。　And　as　he　watched；　Beth　stepped　inside　the　sphere。
And　the　door　of　the　sphere　closed　behind　her。


〃You　goddamned　men；〃　Beth　said　in　a　tight；　angry　voice。　〃You're　all　the　same；　you　can't　leave　well　enough　alone；　none　of　you。〃
〃You　lied　to　me；　Beth。〃
〃Why　did　you　watch　that　tape？　I　begged　you　not　to　watch　that　tape。　It　could　only　hurt　you　to　watch　that　tape；　Norman。〃　She　wasn't　angry　any　more；　now　she　was　pleading；　near　tears。　She　was　undergoing　rapid　emotional　shifts。　Unstable；　unpredictable。
And　she　was　in　control　of　the　habitat。
〃Beth。〃
〃I'm　sorry；　Norman。　I　can't　trust　you　any　more。〃
〃Beth。〃
〃I'm　turning　you　off；　Norman。　I'm　not　going　to　listen　to…〃
〃……Beth；　wait…〃
〃…you　any　more。　I　know　how　dangerous　you　are。　I　saw　what　you　did　to　Harry。　How　you　twisted　the　facts　so　that　it　was　Harry's　fault。　Oh　yes；　it　was　Harry's　fault；　by　the　time　you　got　through。　And　now　you　want　to　make　it　Beth's　fault；　don't　you？　Well；　let　me　tell　you；　Norman；　you　won't　be　able　to　do　it；　because　I　have　shut　you　off；　Norman。　I　can't　hear　your　soft；　convincing　words。　I　can't　hear　your　manipulation。　So　don't　waste　your　breath；　Norman。〃
He　stopped　the　tape。　The　monitor　now　showed　Beth　at　the　console　in　the　room　below。
＇＇321＇＇　Pushing　buttons　on　the　console。
〃Beth？〃　he　said。
She　didn't　reply；　she　just　went　on　working　at　the　console；　muttering　to　herself。
〃You're　a　real　son　of　a　bitch；　Norman；　do　you　know　that？　You　feel　so　terrible　that　you　need　to　make　everybody　else　just　as　low　as　you　are。〃
She　was　talking　about　herself；　he　thought。
〃You're　so　big　on　the　unconscious；　Norman。　The　unconscious　this；　the　unconscious　that。　Jesus　Christ；　I'm　sick　of　you。　Your　unconscious　probably　wants　to　kill　us　all；　just　because　you　want　to　kill　yourself　and　you　think　everybody　else　should　die　with　you。〃
He　felt　a　shuddering　chill。　Beth；　with　her　lack　of　self…esteem；　her　deep　core　of　self…hate；　had　gone　inside　the　sphere；　and　now　she　was　acting　with　the　power　of　the　sphere；　but　without　stability　to　her　thoughts。　Beth　saw　herself　as　a　victim　who　struggled　against　her　fate；　always　unsuccessfully。　Beth　was　victimized　by　men；　victimized　by　the　establishment；　victimized　by　research；　victimized　by　reality。　In　every　case　she　failed　to　see　how　she　had　done　it　to　herself。　And　she's　put　explosives　all　around　the　habitat；　he　thought。
〃I　won't　let　you　do　it；　Norman。　I'm　going　to　stop　you　before　you　kill　us　all。〃
Everything　she　said　was　the　reverse　of　the　truth。　He　began　to　see　the　pattern　now。
Beth　had　figured　out　how　to　open　the　sphere；　and　she　had　gone　there　in　secret；　because　she　had　always　been　attracted　to　power…she　always　felt　she　lacked　power　and　needed　more。　But　Beth　wasn't　prepared　to　handle　power　once　she　had　it。　Beth　still　saw　herself　as　a　victim；　so　she　had　to　deny　the　power；　and　arrange　to　be　victimized　by　it。
It　was　very　different　from　Harry。　Harry　had　denied　his　fears；　and　so　fearful　images　had　manifested　themselves。　But　Beth　denied　her　power；　and　so　she　manifested　a　churning　cloud　of　formless；　uncontrolled　power。
Harry　was　a　mathematician　who　lived　in　a　conscious　world　of　abstraction；　of　equations　and　thoughts。　A　concrete　form；　like　a　squid；　was　what　Harry　feared。　But　Beth；　the　zoologist　＇＇322＇＇　who　dealt　every　day　with　animals；　creatures　she　could　touch　and　see；　created　an　abstraction。　A　power　that　she　could　not　touch　or　see。　A　formless　abstract　power　that　was　ing　to　get　her。
And　to　defend　herself；　she　had　armed　the　habitat　with　explosives。　It　wasn't　much　of　a　defense；　Norman　thought。　Unless　you　secretly　wanted　to　kill　yourself。
The　horror　of　his　true　predicament　became　clear　to　him。　〃You　won't　get　away　with　this；　Norman。　I　won't　let　it　happen。　Not　to　me。〃
She　was　punching　keys　on　the　console。　What　was　she　planning？　What　could　she　do　to　him？　He　had　to　think。　Suddenly；　the　lights　in　the　laboratory　went　off。　A　moment　later；　the　big　space　heater　died；　the　red　elements　cooling；　turning　dark。
She　had　shut　off　the　power。
With　the　heater　turned　off；　how　long　could　he　last？　He　took　the　blankets　from　her　bed；　wrapped　himself　in　them。　How　long；　without　heat？　Certainly　not　six　hours；　he　thought　grimly。
〃I'm　sorry；　Norman。　But　you　understand　the　position　I'm　in。　As　long　as　you're　conscious；　I'm　in　danger。〃
Maybe　an　hour；　he　thought。　Maybe　I　can　last　an　hour。
〃I'm　sorry；　Norman。　But　I　have　to　do　this　to　you。〃
He　heard　a　soft　hiss。　The　alarm　on　his　chest　badge　began　to　beep。　He　looked　down　at　it。　Even　in　the　darkness；　he　could　see　it　was　now　gray。　He　knew　immediately　what　had　happened。
Beth　had　turned　off　his　air。

0535　HOURS

Huddled　in　the　darkness；　listening　to　the　beep　of　his　alarm　and　the　hiss　of　the　escaping　air。　The　pressure　diminishing　rapidly：　his　ears　popped；　as　if　he　were　in　an　airplane　taking　off。
Do　something；　he　thought；　feeling　a　surge　of　panic。
But　there　was　nothing　he　could　do。　He　was　locked　in　the　upper　chamber　of　D　Cyl。　He　could　not　get　out。　Beth　had　control　of　the　entire