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美丽英文:穿过爱的时光-第3部分
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动之情从我的全身掠过,爱、赞叹、关心、幸运以及更多的复杂情感交织在一起,令我觉得心潮澎湃。我猛然记起去年夏天,我在您的脸上所看到的某种神情,那个时候,嘉娜刚出生不久,我回家去探望你们。
我们坐在后院的秋千上。那是一个非常可爱的早晨,树荫下凉爽宜人,空气中还弥漫着阵阵幽香,那是从您种满玫瑰的花园里飘过来的。我抱着嘉娜,秋千缓缓地摇摆似乎让她感觉十分惬意。
但是,那时的我却没有一点兴致。前一天晚上,我简直累坏了。嘉娜只有6个星期大,而且每隔几个小时都要哭闹一次。而我,就像初为人母的人一样,既烦躁又紧张,在给她喂奶的间歇里,我很难再次入睡。我变得狂躁不安,身心疲惫,对为人之母提不起半点兴致。
就那样,我们坐在秋千上交谈着——换句话说,是我在说。我把我所感到的焦虑和失望统统向您倾诉。然而突然之间,您伸手摸了摸我的头发。
“简直美极了。”您说着,脸上还浮现出一丝奇怪的表情。“太阳就这样照过去……我从未注意到你有这么多红得发亮的头发。”书包 网 。 想看书来
亲爱的母亲(2)
当时,我有一点窘迫,脑子里仍然想着其他烦心事,因此,我只是耸耸肩,对您的赞美不以为然。我不记得当时自己说了些什么,不过一定都是一些简短的、不以为然的回答。我挥了挥手,就这样回绝了您的赞美。事实上,您的这番话打动了我。长久以来,再没有人能注意到我身上的那种真正的美丽之处了,我开心极了。
时至今日,我才明白原来那天您看我的眼神就是如今我几乎天天看嘉娜的眼神。这令我浮想联翩:在我的身上,您还能看到奇迹吗,如同我在嘉娜身上看到的?而这种魔力在孩子们长大成人,离开家庭并为人父母之后是否还会存在?再过30年,我看嘉娜时还会有今日这般似潮涌动的爱意吗?
每当想到这份爱,总会让人心痛。这份感情太容易受到伤害,也太脆弱。我深深地懂得日复一日父母与孩子们之间所出现的各种代沟、摩擦、误解、每天都会发生的冲突和斗争以及不可避免地脱离家庭并最终独立的过程。终有一天,小嘉娜也会长大。她也会如我一般,对来自母亲的试探性的爱的表白视而不见。每当想到这里,我都会伤心不已。
在经历了最初的、强烈的爱的冲动之后,到底发生了什么呢?是丢在一路走来的某个地方了,还是埋藏在了养育孩子不断成长的日常生活中了?或许它就在那里,一直埋藏在心里,没有表白。直至,或许直至一个新生儿的诞生,直至一个母亲伸手去触摸自己女儿的胎发?
在我看来,这就是一个真正的奇迹:通过这种方式,母爱再一次被发现、重复,并一代接一代地传承下去——就像在我们的生活中,它从您的手中递到我的手中,又从我这里给了嘉娜。或许还会从嘉娜那里传给她的子孙们。它本身就是一种馈赠。
我觉得,长久以来,我想对您说的就是:谢谢您,母亲。
生命中有一种爱是最深沉的、最浓郁的,那就是母爱。母爱有无数的方式,简简单单的一句话,一个微笑,一个点头……在凡俗的生活中,母亲正是以一些芥微小事来震撼我们的心灵。
Dear Mom
Christine Goold
After thirty years; I am finally beginning to appreciate the mother you have been to me. Although Jana is only ten months old; I feel I have learned more about you in the short time since her birth than in all my years of growing up and breaking away。
As I go about my new life of caring for Jana; I constantly wonder; how on earth did you do it? You; who raised not one; not two; but six children。 I’m still feeling shock waves from the change and upheaval one child has made in my life; and I know that what I have experienced so far is only a glimpse; the barest hint; of all you went through raising us。
“You learn to sacrifice when you have children。” was one of your stock phrases when I was growing up。 To you; sacrifice was a necessary virtue; an accepted part of parenthood。 But I didn’t go for that。 I considered sacrifice1 not only unnecessary; but unfashionable and downright unappealing as well。
Well; Mom; what can I say? I’m learning。
Lately; I’ve begun to look on motherhood as an initiation into “real life”。 I don’t think I realized until Jana’s birth that the life I’d led previously—relatively free; easy; and affluent—is not the life led by most people—past or present。 By being a mother; I seem to have acquired automatic membership into a universal club made up of uncertainties and vulnerabilities。 limitations and difficulties; and sometimes; unsolvable problems。 Of course; the club has its benefits; too。
亲爱的母亲(3)
When Jana wakes from her afternoon nap and; so happy to see me; gives me her radiant full…face smile; I smile back and feel on my own face the smile you used to give me when I woke up in the morning。 Or; when Jana does something particularly cute; I’ll glance up at Gary; and in the look we exchange I see the one I remember crossing between you and dad at opposite ends of the dinner table。 It was a look full of feelings I never knew until now。
When I hold Jana close to me and look down to see my hand tight across her chest。 Or when I tuck a blanket around her while she sleeps and touch the skin of her cheek。 I see your hands (those hardworking hands with their smooth oval nails; steady and capable and caring) doing the same things。 Then I feel as if some of the love and security you gave to me through those hands is now in mine; as I pass that Iove on to Jana。
The other day Jana fell asleep against my arm。 I must have spent fifteen or twenty minutes staring at her; marveling at the wheat color of her hair; the suppleness of her skin; her perfect tiny red mouth; moving now and then in sleep。 What a rush I felt; of love and wonder; of care and luck; and more。 I suddenly remembered something I saw on your face last summer; when I was home on a visit shortly after Jana’s birth。
We were sitting on the glider swing in the backyard。 It was a lovely morning; cool there in the shade; and the air was full of fragrance from your rose garden。 I was holding Jana; who seemed to enjoy the gentle movement of the swing。
But I wasn’t enjoying anything just then。 I’d had a rough night。 Jana was six weeks old and had been up every few hours。 I; fretful and nervous as only a new mother can be; had been having trouble falling back to sleep between her feedings。 I was cranky and tired; and not feeling cheerful about this motherhood business at all。
Sitting on the glider; we talked—or rather; I talked; letting loose my load of anxiety and frustrations on you。 And out of the blue; you reached over to touch my hair。
“It’s so pretty。” you said; an odd expression on your face。 “The way the sun is hitting it just now。。。 I never noticed you had so many red highlights before。”
A little embarrassed; preoccupied2 with other thoughts and problems; I shrugged off your ment。 I don’t know what I said; something short and dismissive; no doubt; as I waved away the pliment。 But your words affected me。 It had been a long time since someone had seen something truly beautiful in me; and I was pleased。 It has taken me this long to realize that the look you gave me that day is the same look I give her almost daily。 And it makes me wonder: Is it possible that you still see the miracle in me that I see in Jana? Does the magic continue even when your children are grown and gone and parents themselves? Will I look at Jana in thirty years and still feel the same rush of love for her that I do now?
It almost hurts to think of that kind of love。 It’s too vulnerable; too fragile。 I know well the barriers that spring up between parents and their children over the years; the frictions; the misunderstandings; the daily conflicts and struggles; the inevitable pulling away and final break for independence。 I ache to think that someday Jana will grow up and wave away my tentative words of love as I did yours。
What happens to that first strong rush of love? Is it lost somewhere along the way; buried beneath the routine practicalities of caring for a growing child? Or is it there all along unvoiced and unexpressed; until; perhaps; a new child is born and a mother reaches out to touch her daughter’s hair?
That; it seems to me; is the real miracle: the way a mother’s love is rediscovered; repeated; passed on again and again—as it has been handed down in our lives from you to me; from me to Jana; and from Jana; perhaps; to her own children。 It is a gift in itself。
I guess what I’ve been meaning to say all along is; thanks; Mom。
生日的承诺(1)
安妮·卡特
今天,正如承诺的那样,妈妈,我们要一起度过一段幸福的时光。
我在早上的5点45分就起床了,像这么多年来您所做的那样。我穿上了您那件我以为自己早就丢弃的破旧浴袍,我很庆幸没那样做,因为您最喜欢的太臼香水味已经渗透在了衣服的纤维里。我穿上了您的拖鞋,鞋的前部是开口的,这让我很开心,因为可以给我长长的脚趾留足空间。现在,我们又在一起了,至少我的感觉是这样的。
这是漫长的一年,妈妈,我是如此思念您。但是,我还好。是的,我在努力,您一直对我说,这才是最重要的。
我知道您喜欢很早就吃早餐,我已经为您准备好了所有您爱吃的东西。大多数人在早上的时候不是喝咖啡,就是喝茶,可是您却喝苏打水,您会这样称呼它:“可口——啊——可乐。”您跟我说这是南方的习俗。我从未有任何一个时刻相信过这句话,即使您确实生长在弗吉尼亚。我认为您是需要用高糖来开始新的一天。这是个艰难的选择,但是我最终还是决定用花生白脱小饼做主食,并不是那种成袋的食物,而是完全由手工制作的,我从罐子里取出一块摊平,然后用力挤压,就像奥利奥饼干似的。
小鸟开始在户外吟唱,太阳正在宣布新一天的开始。此时,您会打开收音机,调至您喜欢的电台。听!猜一下是什么?他们正在播放您最喜欢的歌曲——《古老的黑魔法》。
早上吃花生白脱也是不错的!您还记得您曾经总是用花生白脱小饼喂我的那条德国牧羊犬吗?因此,它是多么爱您啊!它的嘴角上总是黏满了花生白脱,使它看起来就像在微笑一样。您对动物们总是有自己的一套。
我的脑海里又呈现出了我最喜爱的长尾小鹦鹉巴吉。有一次,在您做早餐的时候,它扑进了煎锅。 我不应该把它从笼中放出来,可是我确实这样做了,结果它把自己的脚烧焦了。我觉得您会对我发火,可是您的全部心思都集中在了尽快治好那只可怜的小鸟上。当您询问药剂师哪个品牌的抗生素乳膏可以涂在这只小鹦鹉的脚部时,他认为您疯了。
说到有趣的动物故事,您还记得我的那只宠物鼠布朗尼掉进烘干机的管子里吗?您给您购买的那台烘干机的零售商希尔斯(美国最大的零售百货企业)打了电话。您问他们,怎样才能把那只小仓鼠解救出来。他们告诉您先开机,随后管子里最初的气流会把它推出来。我们这样做了,结果布朗尼就像炮弹一样飞到了空中。爸爸戴着他的棒球手套,一下就接住了它,真是令人难以置信,但是这只爆发出来的仓鼠竟然活了下来!
我又想起来了……您还记得我炸飞炉子的事吗?我只是想获得女子军的烹饪奖章,结果用了一年时间我的眉毛和眼睫毛才重新长好。那天晚上,您跟我一起睡的,还跟我说这不是我的错。可是,过了很久,您才允许我独自留在厨房。
以前我从未跟您说过这件事,但就在我那次烘烤惨剧发生之后,您亲爱的妈妈告诉了我一个秘密,她曾经送给您一只高压锅作为结婚礼物。您第一次使用的时候,将定时器定在了“高”,结果您做的鸡肉成了厨房顶上电灯装置的一部分。外婆告诉我说,爸爸用了整整一个星期才把天花板擦干净。所以,我仅仅是少了一些面部的毛发而已。
您的妈妈一定没有责备过您,因为这么多年了,我做了太多蠢事,但是您从未教训或惩罚过我。您说“做任何事都是一个学习的过程”,我是一个小孩,想象力活跃,而且有自己的想法。
我想我还是老样子,妈妈,当您的两个外孙女也要挣脱我的束缚时,我也努力这样做了。她们现在都很好,不过她们非常思念您。她们两个在各自的卧室都有一张您的照片。您的5个曾孙们永远也忘不了他们的“弗吉尼亚外婆”。 。。
生日的承诺(2)
您总是为我的女儿们感到骄傲。您决不会放过任何一个机会告诉我,我培养她们的工作做得多么成功。我想让您知道,您所说的话,对我来说是多么重要,如果没有您,我不可能做到这些。
您的外孙女们拥有您的温柔和刚强。记得有一次,大女儿决定要离家出走。她在晚餐时宣布她要离开这里,去跟住在6个街区之外的祖父母一起生活,理由是我 “太刻薄”了。我想把她锁在房间里,可是您建议说我应该让她自行解决这个问题,还说这会是一次学习的经历。后来,她收拾了一大箱行李,结果仅仅走了3 个街区就累倒在附近的一家面包房�
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